“Do you have a moment to chat?” This is the phrase that sends my manager’s anxiety through the roof. It wouldn’t seem like it should after being the department leader for five or six years; I have experienced almost anything you could put in front of me.

Yet those words hit me to my core every time. For me, it’s the fear of having a good response. Was I empathetic enough? Did I say the right supportive thing? Did they need me to find a resource instead of listening? Did they need me to listen?

This meeting was going to go one of two ways. The employee — let’s call her Carol — was either going to quit or was still upset at me. In this instance, it was the first of the two and, in my heart, I knew it was coming. 

A week earlier, Carol and I met for her annual review. She had words of anger, frustration and many other emotions. She hit all the classic signs of burnout. We both knew it and didn’t leave the review feeling good. We didn’t resolve anything.

When Carol and I sat down to chat a week after that review meeting, she apologized. Did she need to? No, but it was nice to hear after being a target of burnout rage. We have much respect for each other as women, coworkers and engineers. The construction industry is fast-paced and stressful; dealing with it takes many forms. 

After chatting briefly, Carol finally said, “I need to do something else, and I will be leaving.” Even though I knew it was coming, it still stung to hear. Holding back some tears, I managed to say, “I am sad, but I respect your decision.”

I was sad. I value each person in my department so much. While we may not all be best friends, there is a level of friendship. When one department member is no longer there, you can feel the hole that person leaves. 

Respect an Employee’s Need to Leave

After meeting with Carol, I reached out to a few key leaders in the company to let them know about her departure. I always share about the individual leaving and let them know that we are working on a plan for who will support the projects moving forward. Early communication, even if you don’t have a plan in place, is key as it eases the anxiety of transition for those leaders. 

The popular response was, “Are you going to counteroffer?” My answer was no.

Good employees leave for several reasons:

Low job satisfaction;

Better opportunities;

Lack of recognition;

Burnout;

Poor leadership/management;

Poor pay;

Not feeling heard/disregard for employee concerns;

Company culture.

In Carol’s case, it was due to burnout. After the dust had settled for a day or two, we reconnected and had a good conversation. I wanted Carol to know I would not be putting together a counteroffer letter for her. Not because I didn’t want to keep her as an employee (I did!), but because I love and respect her as an individual. I felt it would be selfish of me to convince her to stay when she was looking to better herself. 

Carol shared that over the last few years, she allowed herself to develop bad habits and the best way to overcome those was to break the cycle. Unfortunately, that meant having to move on. A counteroffer at this point would keep her in the cycle of unhealthy burnout. 

The only appropriate response was to keep the door open. The construction industry is large, yet so small. Everyone is in tune with each other’s business and when all is said and done, if Carol decides to return with time, she is welcome. There are no burned bridges, no hurt feelings, just many good wishes.

As leaders, navigating personnel changes can be challenging; deciding to counteroffer or let employees walk away is difficult. The best we can do is put ourselves in their shoes and think, “What would I need in this situation?” 

If they are looking for money, a counteroffer is what they are searching for, but if they are truly at burnout and need a new opportunity, respect that. There is beauty in helping people grow and then watching them spread their wings and flourish on their own.